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This page was last updated on September 3, 2023. Changes to this page are at the top. This page has odds and ends that aren’t big enough to rate their own pages yet. Retitled Books and Literature “A Separate Peace,” by John Knowles, is now “A Separate Piece of Ass.” Retitled Popular Songs “Sixteen Candles,” by The Crests, is now “Thirteen Candles.” “Sweet Little Sixteen,” by Chuck Berry, is now “Sweet Little Thirteen.” “Jingle Bell Rock,” by Bobby Helms, is now “Jingle Bell Cock.” “Are You Lonesome Tonight?,” by Elvis Presley, is now “Are You Offline Tonight.” “My Boyfriend’s Back,” by The Angels, is now “My Boyfriend’s Dick.” “Moody River,” by Pat Boone, is now “Bipolar River.” “Lipstick on Your Collar,” by Connie Francis, is now “Lip Gloss on Your Penis.” “Getting to Know You,” by Julie Andrews, is now “Getting to Blow You.” “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” first by Jimmy Boyd, is now “I Saw Mommy Blowing Santa Claus.” New Names for Greek Gods! (On some, you have to put the accent on a different syllable.) Microphones: The god of amplified sound. Testicles: The god of fertility drugs for men. Stupidities: The god of readers on Fox News. Miscellaneous Things Walk into a Bar! A palindrome walks into a bar, thinking about his mom and dad. A transposition, an erratum, and a typo walk into a bra. Puncutation Walks into a Bar! An exclamation mark walks into a bar, letting the door close with a bang. A period walks into a bar, a bit late this month. A dash walks into a bar, in no hurry at all. A comma walks into a bar, slowing things down just a bit. A slash walks into a bar, noting the look of fear in the faces of people inside. A colon walks into a bar, shooting the shit. A semicolon walks into a bar, feeling misused. Groups of People We’ve all heard odd phrases like “gaggle of geese,” “murder of crows,” and “exaltation of larks,” which are the accepted names for groups of animals. How about similar odd phrases for groups of people? Here are some suggestions from M.Q. Wehinger: A billing of doctors Here are some punny people names that are supplemented with punny place names. The punny place names come from old-style, pre-ZIP-code postal abbreviations, such as Cal., Penn., and Wash. These come from M.Q. Wehinger and her sister A.Q. James. Most were conjured in the late 1950s or early 1960s. Some of the references go way back, such as the third one below, which refers to an old song called “Am I Blue, Was I Gay?” R.U. Heald I.B. Wett Emma Blue E. Kneemeaney B.A. Healthnutt Ma Feeah Norm L. Mann Erna Livin Sis Titus Mayor Juan A. Sigg Lord Owen Lee Noes Phat Mann |